Sexual Assault: Know Your Rights

When I was sixteen years old I was in my first long-term relationship. We had been dating for six months and we were really happy together. We were discussing the idea that we may engage in sexual intercourse but I was a little hesitant and really wanted my first time to be special without having any regrets and so I told him that I wanted to wait. He was incredibly understanding and we continued to grow closer and closer.

Then, one night, my best friend and I decided it would be fun if we drank some of her parents’ alcohol. Neither of us had ever drank before. After maybe one drink, my best friend decided to invite more people over. We went to different high schools so I didn’t know the people she knew. And so, an hour later, a group of guys showed up. Little did I know, my friend had a group of ‘friends’ who were much older. So there I was drinking alcohol for the first time in my life around 24-year-old men that I had never met. Having a very low tolerance to alcohol it didn’t take long before I was passed out in the basement underneath the pool table.       

The next thing I remember is waking up the next morning upstairs in the guest bedroom, next to a man, naked. I ran out of the room, downstairs, scared because I didn’t remember a thing. My best friend heard me crying and came downstairs and said, “You finally lost it!” (‘It’, being my virginity). I was mortified. Apparently she had walked in on me and the 24-year-old having sex and didn’t stop it because “it looked like you were having fun”. At that moment, I ignored my anger with my best friend and the older man who had taken advantage of me and took complete blame. I kept thinking of my boyfriend and that I had ‘cheated’.

To make matters worse other people that were invited to this “get together” robbed the house, stealing her father’s wedding ring, a DVD player, and the keys to the family car (among other things). We had to call the police but we were both aware that the chances of insurance covering the costs of the stolen goods if they knew we had had a party would be slim and so we tucked my problems aside to prevent her parents from being mad at us. I had to talk to the police the day after I had been taken advantage of and I couldn’t say a word. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and I felt completely guilty. A couple days after the event I told my boyfriend and he was upset, not at me, but at the guy (and my best friend). He was completely supportive but then again I was really good at pretending I was okay. 

For years I blamed myself and I didn’t talk to anyone about it. In fact I didn’t tell anyone until I was twenty-years-old. It was when I was twenty that I found out these situations happen to many young girls and it is super common for these victims to blame themselves. The truth is, it’s not their fault. It wasn’t my fault. Of course, I should not have been drinking at the age of sixteen. And I should not have been around people I didn’t know (not to mention twenty-four-year-olds). But concentrating on all the ‘should nots’ I realized that HE should not have done this to me! He should not have carried a passed out sixteen-year-old up a flight of stairs and taken advantage of her! That really is the most important ‘should not’ that I paid little attention to when I was sixteen.

When I began talking about what had happened to me I felt a great sense of relief. I finally wasn’t hiding!

I tell my story in hopes that as young girls you take the precautions needed to avoid these situations. But more importantly, in the case where you find yourself in a similar situation I hope you won’t follow in my footsteps by hiding and blaming yourself. There are so many pathways for help that it’s just silly to hide and even more silly to take the blame for someone else’s actions.

By: Amy A.